I am 44 years old and living in Denmark, I do not consider myself as a Dominant, cruel or strict, but you may get another view of me, should I set a label on myself, I would say that I am a narcissistic sadist, and if I had been living in the 1600 I would properly have been the local hangman, punished the local citizen when needed and after go home to my wife, and slap her around if my dinner was late and take her by force when I wanted to..
I am single, unmarried and have no kids and work only 20 hours per week, so I have the time to take care of a slave full time.
I have been living 6 years in Thailand, and one thing I have brought home, is I have learned that I do not need to rise my voice or show anger to obtain what I want, a smile works just as good as anger, at the end of the day you will see things my way.
I am looking for a slave girl to 24/7 TPE consent to non consensual slavery relationship, you will be an in living slave, you won’t be sent of to work, your body and soul will be a full time slave, how I will use you and how our life is going to be, I am trying to describe on here on my blog.
I am been asked a few tings, I will try and address here.
First whatever I can stay cruel or not like I describe, for the rest of my life, I don’t really see myself as cruel, I don’t get up in the morning and look myself in the mirror and say “Mirror mirror on the wall who is the cruelest of them all” I would properly go insane if I did that, the thoughts I have in my mind are normal for me, and the girl I am looking for is going to give her consent to live a non consensual life for good or worse, I am not going to kidnap a random girl from the street to live out my fantasies, the girl will be the one to judge my cruelty after I am gone.
But if you ask me if I am committed to this life I describe, I can only say yes, I have been looking for this girl since 2013, this is the life I want to live, I did not start to think about this yesterday..
About my past life and experience
The girlfriend experience, well from I was 16 to 23 I thought it was pretty easy to have girlfriends, sex and intimacy was like one, everything was just about fucking, and do it as often as possible, and the girls did not really expect love, romance, intimacy empathy, kids, or a nice home.
From I was 23 the girls started to changes in there demands, as long I was working 60 hour and 6 days a week, everything would be fine, but in the end the company would get a project near home, and it would not take long before a relationship to end, when I was home everyday, one girl actually said to me on my way out of her life “You only have a girlfriend, so you don’t have to have sex with yourself” and I could not agree more.
My last girlfriend in Denmark I met in 2003, she was very submissive by nature and practical invited herself to become my doormat, she became crazy in love with me, and in 2004 we moved in together, and I treated her like a cock sucking doormat, I would call on her in the morning and tell her to suck my cock, push her away when she was done, when I wanted to fuck her, I would spit on my fingers and rub her cunt get done with her and push her away, if she wanted kissing, hugs or cuddle I would tell her to get off me, she tried to leave me a few times, but always came home like a faithful dog, I guess that in 2006 she finally had enough of the mental beating, and wanted me to feel something, she tied a string around her neck, and hanged herself outside our living room window, and that was the end of the girlfriend experience for me in Denmark.
In 2010 I went to Thailand, I stayed with 3 different girls over the almost 7 year period of time, its a different culture, if they don’t get what they are looking for in the end, they will just pack a bag and leave, the way I live with all 3 of them, was with saparet bedroom, so after I got what I wanted, they would go and sleep for themselves, but at the end of the day, they pretty much want the same things as Danish or western girls, and I can’t those things. One of the girls I tried to train and take into the world of SM, it lasted about 6 months, but when she realize that she wold never get family or kids with me, no matter how fare she would go for me she left.
What I have learned in my girlfriend experience is
I don’t feel love
I don’t feel remorse
I don’t feel empathy
I don’t feel romance
I don’t give intimacy I take if I want it
I don’t care of a girls feelings or family or friends
My SM experience started in 1997 or 1998 can’t remember the correct year, I worked in a Forrest project, and after awhile a girl joined our crew, she was about 8 year older then me, and everything about her was so dark, hair, eyes and clothes, her personality was screaming of dominant and control, I actually called her a witch the first time I talked to her, after 2 weeks of working and talking together, we ended up in bed together, and what I found under her dominant experience was that she wanted to be forced, taken, fear, used, cry and be controlled.
After the Forrest project, we lived together and lived in the world of SM for about 6 months, the first 3 months I was without a job, and we could live a life in SM full time, after the 3 months I got a new job, and was back working 60 hour week shift, and I found my own place moved out, then we became fuck bodies/playmates for a year when I was home and after that we became friends.
In 2000 I had a pretty bad work accident, and got hurt very bad, and my dark girl came back into my life, as a friend. I was on sick leave for about 6 months, and why this is an important piece of the puzzle is for me, about a book she gave me, I can remember this as it was yesterday, and it went on just like this on a day she came.
“I have a book for you” she said, and I asked “What kind of book? Is it any good?” and she said “Well I could not read it! It was to much for me” so I asked “Is it boring” and she replayed “No it is just…. Just read it, and you will know”
The book she gave me was American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis it toke me about a week to read it, and I understood why she could not read, and why I had to read.. The book is not about BDSM or SM but it is however a book about extreme sadism, it toke me a few weeks to deist the pictures from the book, and I lot of think about how fare I would go to see fear and crying in my life, I opened every door in my mind and looked, and all the doors heading in the way of the pictures of American Psycho, I locked secured and put the keys in a box together with the book, locked the box and threw away the key. My limits are listed in Limitless slave, and I have never exceed them, and it will never happen that part of me will never come out.
What I learned from my dark girl was I get sexual arrusel from fear, pain, tears and power or control, I also learned that I don’t always need to use a whip to get the fear I want to see, sometimes it is enough to just put it on the table.
The tools I learned to use was my hands, gag, crop, whip, wax, handcuffs, and that was basic what I needed to changes her into give me full control.
From 2000 to 2003 I played with a few girls, nothing really serious I learn about giving pain trough ice, and just used the tools I already knew.
In 2006 when my girlfriend died, I thought that it would be better for me and the rest of the world, if I only looked for girls, that actually wanted to get hurt, so I started to write scripts or scenes of my sexual fantasies and send them of to girls on mobile chat or dating sites, and if I sent it of to like 100 girls, I would get 1 – 3 positive replies from girls seeing themselves in my fantasies, we would talk, text and exchanges photos and with inn a month they would stand before me I have pick up girls from the airport, train and even the bloody boat, and this went on for 4 years of my life.
Up to 2006 I did not know anything about BDSM, I was just trying to find my own way in this world, but with so many girls coming in, I was bound to be condemned, fist time a girl talked about a safe word I asked her “What is that” and she would explain it to me, and I would tell her, that I already told her what would happen to her in details if she came to me, and everything would be as I described, so no safe word needed.
I did not care whatever a girl was experienced or inexperience, sub, slave or masochist for me she was a tool, an instrument to live out my fantasies, in the 4 year I had about 20 girls, some one time, and some more, I don’t really get a kick of BDSM with strangers, but this was just how it turned out for me, I did not look for anything paticilary and I did not want a staydi play partner.
I learned a lot in the 4 years time, the most important was not every girl fear pain, and I had to find new ways to get her fear, like in the mind, use psychology to get her deepest fear and I got a lot of new tools, but I was still not sure what I was looking for in SM, and I spent a lot of time processing all the pictures I had of me experience
After 3 years in Thailand in 2013 I was single an I started to see the picture of the life with a slave I wanted, and I started looking for her, and almost found her, but in the end I put my search on pause.
Mach 2017 I came home to Denmark, and in April I started my new hunt for my slave, and here we are in 2019 and I am still looking.